The Beginning (part 2)

Ben and I got back from Jordan and moved into a small apartment in Provo. It was my last year of school and the most stressful. Ben had a year and a half left and the only money in the bank was the student loans we took out. We both got part time jobs. I cleaned offices and homes while Ben fixed computers. We settled into a nice rhythm but were always hoping and expecting more.
Fall semester I was doing one of my practicums. That is when you go to class for a few weeks, then teach in the school for a few weeks, then back to the university to finish up the year. Things were so stressful and hard that I considered quitting teaching and changing my major. On top of that each month would go by and we would hope and pray that I was pregnant. But I wasn't. There were times that I was late and felt "sick" or early and thought it was implantation bleeding...Your mind can really play tricks on you when you want something so badly. There was even a time that I threw up for no reason...It was horrible.
Ben and I couldn't explain it and it was difficult to find peace, we just thought it would take time. We would leave it up to the Lord.
We had made plans to move out the California for the summer and sell pest control. We needed the money to pay off debt and we had some good friends who were also going. Because I was graduating in April I knew that I would lose the good insurance that was provided by the school, so we decided to go to the Dr. to find out if anything was wrong.
Most doctors won't see you for infertility until you have been trying for at least a year. It had been less than that for us, but when we explained our situation he made an exception. He ran some tests and on the day I locked my keys in the car and Ben found out he didn't get the CIA position he was hoping for (that was really a blessing, but we didn't know it at the time), we found out that it would be nearly impossible for us to get pregnant "naturally."
I think that is the biggest blow we have ever received in our marriage...and it hit hard.
Ok sad part of the story, but remember it all turned out well and we have a beautiful daughter...