Our story

Ben and I were married December 27th 2005, after we had dated for a little less than a year. Both of us wanted a big family; the only thing we had to decide on was when...Ben was majoring in Arabic and Middle Eastern Studies and needed to do a study abroad to complete his major. We signed up to go the summer after we got married. The idea of getting pregnant and being in the middle east truly frightened me, so we decided we would wait before trying to have kids. This is a decision I regret, not the decision itself, but the motivation behind it...I was scared. I didn't pray, I didn't ask the Lord, I was just too scared. I could have had the peace that infertility was all part of the Lord's plan, but I didn't leave it up to Him. I made the decision. I am still left wondering "What if?" But what's done is done, and I have learned a valuable lesson: make decisions with the Lord and if things don't turn out like you thought they would, they are still part of His plan. It was a decision made in faith, not fear, that actually helped to prompt us to talk to the Birth Father and get Ari...the Lord works in mysterious ways.

On the Nile River

Ok back to our story...Ben and I left for Jordan in April of 2006. It was the most wonderful trip we have ever taken, I would go back in a heartbeat. I felt more at home there than I had almost anywhere else. It was there that I had an experience that changed my heart and I had the faith to start a family. We were out walking one evening (that is the only cool part of the day) and people slowly began coming out of their homes with their families to play and talk in the streets. I have never really seen anything like it...this community was completely focused on family. We were surrounded by chatter and laughter that echoed in my brain. This is what I wanted, this was the life that I wanted to lead...my fear left. I wanted a family.
While we were in Jordan we got phone calls from two different friends to announce that they were pregnant. We were excited that we would all probably be having kids around the same time, but also a little disappointed that it hadn't happened yet...but it just takes time right?
Ben and I got back from Jordan and moved into a small apartment in Provo. It was my last year of school and the most stressful. Ben had a year and a half left and the only money in the bank was the student loans we took out. We both got part time jobs. I cleaned offices and homes while Ben fixed computers. We settled into a nice rhythm but were always hoping and expecting more.
Fall semester I was doing one of my practicums. That is when you go to class for a few weeks, then teach in the school for a few weeks, then back to the university to finish up the year. Things were so stressful and hard that I considered quitting teaching and changing my major. On top of that, each month would go by and we would hope and pray that I was pregnant. But I wasn't. There were times that I was late and felt "sick" or early and thought it was implantation bleeding...Your mind can really play tricks on you when you want something so badly. There was even a time that I threw up for no reason...It was horrible.
Ben and I couldn't explain it, and it was difficult to find peace. We just thought it would take time. We would leave it up to the Lord.
We had made plans to move out the California for the summer and sell pest control. We needed the money to pay off debt and we had some good friends who were also going. Because I was graduating in April I knew that I would lose the good insurance that was provided by the school, so we decided to go to the Dr. to find out if anything was wrong.
Most doctors won't see you for infertility until you have been trying for at least a year. It had been less than that for us, but when we explained our situation he made an exception. He ran some tests, and on the day I locked my keys in the car and Ben found out he didn't get the CIA position he was hoping for (that was really a blessing, but we didn't know it at the time), we found out that it would be nearly impossible for us to get pregnant "naturally."
I think that is the biggest blow we have ever received in our marriage...and it hit hard.
Ok sad part of the story, but remember it all turned out well and we have a beautiful daughter...