Sadness and Healing

We have been supported and love by so much family and friends lately, I am so grateful. From the friends who cleaned my house, to those who brought food, sent loving texts, or gave me a shoulder to cry on. I am grateful to you.

 I am not allowed to share the specifics of our story with our little man but I have come up with a way to share with you some of the events in a way that might help you to understand what has happened over the last 7 months.

Imagine this….

You know something is going on and decide to see a specialist about it. She tells you, Surprise! You will have a baby next week. There seems to be some complications and she is unsure how long your baby will be with you. She thinks you have a good chance of raising him to adulthood, but it could only be a year to 18 months. She will know more when the baby is born.

He is born and happy and healthy and the specialists say he can come home on time and they don’t see any complications. They have no concerns and believe you will be able to raise him to adulthood. There is still a chance something could happen so they will keep checking, but they will know for sure by 6 months.

At one month you meet with the specialists. They say things still look very good, there is nothing to concern them. They will keep checking but expect at 6 months to be able to drop the case.

At two months you meet with new specialists again and they say no change but they are going to look at the case a little differently.

At three months you go into the meeting they still say everything looks good, there were a few things that came up but none of them were anything to worry about.

At four months they inform you that some things have come up and it is much more likely that you will only have him for 12-18 months, but they are unsure. You could still raise him to adulthood.

At five months you hear and see some things that make you think that you might lose him sooner that you think, so you ask the specialists and they tell you, no, he will be with you for another 8 months or more.

At six months you get the news that he will be gone in a month.

On January 4^th he left us. Our hearts and lives will be forever changed for the better. We have learned to love more openly and fully. We have grown and will continue to grow because of his influence in our lives. We are sad but not broken. We are hurt but ready to open our hearts again. Thank you for your ray of sunshine, your smile, laugh, and gurgles.  Your snuggles, chattering, and encouragement will be missed. My wonderful little man, you are loved.

*Thank you Sarah for encouraging me to write this.

**To my wonderful friends and family please see this as a good step in the healing process not a plea for pity.