Trip out West part 1

We spent 2 weeks traveling out west. It was quite the trip and the kids did amazing! We drove through 10 states (about 4,000 miles), slept in 6 different places (including the car), renewed friendships, and saw prairies, foot hills, mountains, deserts, forests, and an ocean.
I will warn you, I didn't get as many pictures of people as I would have liked. If we were with people it was usually filled with talking and enjoying each others company.

I think Kansas was the only place boring enough to put them both to sleep

There was a beautiful rest stop in Colorado, about an hour outside of Denver.

Ari and Deven loved hiking Bridal Veil Falls. 











We drove up to Salt Lake and met up with Liz and Alan Graden. They were the ones that introduced Ben and me. (Of course this is the only picture I got, the kids were running all over the place!)

In Provo we stayed with Ben's cousin Royal and his family. Our kids had a blast playing together. I didn't get very many fun pictures at all but Deven and Zeke loved building together and all the boys came up with some crazy games.

We then drove to Bakersfield to visit our good friends Rachel and Shiloh Logan.

They had a leopard gecko...one of Ari's favorite animals.

While I was there I was able to do some family history. I was able to find my great-grandfather's obituary and gravestone. 

Then we drove down to San Diego and stopped in LA to visit Amy, a good friend from high school.

Birth Parent Visit

It has been a while since I have written here. I went through a hard spot after losing our baby, Ty. Picking up my camera would bring me to tears...I still took pictures with my phone, but pulling out my nice camera just wasn't an option for a while...Then life hits and you just have to move on. 
Yesterday, Ari and I went up to Kansas City to see her birth parents, Tyson and Lindsey. Ari was really nervous at the beginning and it broke my heart to see her so anxious, but she handled it and warmed up to each of them with a little time. 
The realities of adoption are hard to face sometimes. Ari's case is one of the best that I could hope for. Both of her birth parents have made good life choices and are very interested in her and her well being. She has so much family that loves and supports her, but she still faces the difficulties of figuring out how all these people fit into her life.  It is a road we will all travel down together and face the challenges as they come. 

Sadness and Healing

We have been supported and love by so much family and friends lately, I am so grateful. From the friends who cleaned my house, to those who brought food, sent loving texts, or gave me a shoulder to cry on. I am grateful to you.

 I am not allowed to share the specifics of our story with our little man but I have come up with a way to share with you some of the events in a way that might help you to understand what has happened over the last 7 months.

Imagine this….

You know something is going on and decide to see a specialist about it. She tells you, Surprise! You will have a baby next week. There seems to be some complications and she is unsure how long your baby will be with you. She thinks you have a good chance of raising him to adulthood, but it could only be a year to 18 months. She will know more when the baby is born.

He is born and happy and healthy and the specialists say he can come home on time and they don’t see any complications. They have no concerns and believe you will be able to raise him to adulthood. There is still a chance something could happen so they will keep checking, but they will know for sure by 6 months.

At one month you meet with the specialists. They say things still look very good, there is nothing to concern them. They will keep checking but expect at 6 months to be able to drop the case.

At two months you meet with new specialists again and they say no change but they are going to look at the case a little differently.

At three months you go into the meeting they still say everything looks good, there were a few things that came up but none of them were anything to worry about.

At four months they inform you that some things have come up and it is much more likely that you will only have him for 12-18 months, but they are unsure. You could still raise him to adulthood.

At five months you hear and see some things that make you think that you might lose him sooner that you think, so you ask the specialists and they tell you, no, he will be with you for another 8 months or more.

At six months you get the news that he will be gone in a month.

On January 4^th he left us. Our hearts and lives will be forever changed for the better. We have learned to love more openly and fully. We have grown and will continue to grow because of his influence in our lives. We are sad but not broken. We are hurt but ready to open our hearts again. Thank you for your ray of sunshine, your smile, laugh, and gurgles.  Your snuggles, chattering, and encouragement will be missed. My wonderful little man, you are loved.

*Thank you Sarah for encouraging me to write this.

**To my wonderful friends and family please see this as a good step in the healing process not a plea for pity.

10 Year Anniversary and an Announcement

 
I have been thinking a lot about the past ten years and I feel like it needs to be marked in some way. Ben has a much better way with words, but I thought I would try anyway...
The last 10 years have held countless adventures. We have lived in 2 countries, 3 states, 5 cities, and 9 different homes. We have gone from students, to employees, to employers, to parents. Our relationship has grown and changed in a way that isn't measurable but it is remarkable. 

What I most like to look at about our relationship is who I was went I married Ben and who I am now. I can't believe how much as changed and how much has still stayed the same. I love who I am and the potential for what I can become, being married. We are in this together, always. The main struggle of our first 5 years was infertility and the main struggle for the second 5 years has been parenthood. A bit ironic huh? 
I honestly don't know how to convey the impact the choice I made 10 years ago has made on my life. But it is my life, my whole life and I love it.


For the Announcement:
Many of you know that we have been fostering a baby. That baby will soon be placed back with his parents and Ben and I have decided that we will continue to foster. We feel that they Lord has blessed us with talents and resources that many children need and we hope we can provide. To answer some of your questions...

• Yes this is hard. We are going into it with our eyes wide open. We know the pain that comes from fostering but we also know some of the joys. We have faith that with the Lord's help we will be able to take some of the more painful situations and make them good. 
• We will not be able to talk about our foster children's backgrounds, please don't get offended if I say I can't tell you. They are free to share with you the details they are comfortable with.
• We can't post pictures. I can't even post and cover their faces (I know I have in the past I had to remove them). I might post something and cover them entirely just to document they were there but that is all. I wish I could do more...
• These children will have had some trauma in their lives. Your love, support and prayers are always welcome! I will also need advice and encouragement. 
• This will also be an adjustment for our children, remember them in your thoughts and prayers. (Although they are excited and keep asking about when they will get more kids) 
• If you are interested in fostering or adopting please feel free to reach out! If you know someone in a similar situation please pass on my contact info, I would love to chat. 

Dear Arianna, (4 years)

Dear Arianna,
I can't believe how much you have grown in the last year! When I was getting ready to write this post, I went through old pictures. You looked at them with me, and it was so fun to remember all those times. 
At this time last year, you had just learned how to write your name. You now can write anything if I tell you the letters, and there are even some words you know by heart. You are starting to read and were very proud that you sounded out the word "but" during scriptures :) You have gotten very good at riding your bike and scooter but have yet to find the brakes on either one. Your shoes are taking the brunt of it. 
You are obsessed with animals. Specifically turtles and cheetahs, but you love all animals. You love to run around the house pretending you and an animal--digging, grunting, making funny faces. We have recently discovered fabric tails and you like to wear them out in public :) Wild Krats is your favorite show.
We got our dog Charlie this year and you love to run with her and boss her around.
This year we got a foster baby. You and he are best friends. He always looks for you in the room and you are always the first one to make him laugh when he cries. You are a big helper and never complain when I ask you to do something to help me with him. (Now when I ask you to do something else...that is a different story.)
You are almost always happy and cheerful, even though you throw an occasional tantrum. When you do throw them, they are a doozy. You have started primary at church and you have mostly good days. You have made friends, Joel and Emily in particular.
Your understanding of the world blows me away. You listen and absorb all around you. It usually only takes one lesson for you to learn something and there are many times you pick up concepts all on your own. 
This year you have also started to understand or at least talk about your adoption. You talk about your birth father and mother very causally, like it is normal. I am excited to see you develop a relationship with them.
Arianna, We love you very much and love the little girl you are turning into. Keep loving and being kind. 
Love 
Mom

4 years old

2 Years old

Happy Fall, Picture Dump